I'm not the brave one

Friday was a pretty crappy day. Monkey had to undergo anesthesia to get a CT scan done, for an upcoming surgery. Anesthesia is never fun for a kid or a parent, and the anxiety is always high. The worst part of all, is that as they get older, they know what's coming. They do not want anything to do with the 'room' or the mask they put on you to knock you out. It's hard enough for a parent to have to deal with their kid being sick, or needing medical procedures, but when you add in seeing the sheer terror on your sweet little guy's face, it's unbearable.

I was a little surprised that the doctor and the nurse were impressed that I wanted to be involved. When the nurse told the doctor I'd be coming into the room with them to help see Monkey off to sleep, he had a look on his face. He explained to me that most parents don't like to 'see that', and I should be prepared in case they need to restrain him to get the mask on. I kindly explained to him that after everything we've been through (112 days in the NICU, over 10 surgeries, countless 'procedures', etc), sadly, this was nothing new. And I would prefer it if I could help get the mask on Monkey, because restraining an anxious 4 year old, is only going to terrify him more and make future procedures more difficult. They never seem to care much about the down the road stuff though, do they? They only want to get their thing done.

We walked together to the room, much better than riding on a bed, and I tried to distract Monkey by asking him to count all the fish on the CT machine. Once everyone was ready, I picked him up and we sat together on the bed. I held the mask and sung him a song. He clearly was still a little freaked out, but at least I was able to comfort him more than some stranger pinning him down. He was out pretty quick and the medical team was all astonished at how 'brave' of a mom I was. I have to scoff a little bit, because in my mind, I'm not brave at all. I'm just doing the best I can to reassure my baby. He's the brave one.

If anything, I'm just emotionally checked out. As bad as that probably sounds, I just have to turn it off and not think about it. I can't fall apart in front of him. I'll wait until I'm out of sight to have my quick cry. Or maybe I'll bottle it all up and break down later over something completely unrelated. Definitely nothing brave about it.

So until our next adventure, a nasal endoscopy next week, that I'm absolutely dreading, I'll make sure everything is as normal as can be for my little Monkey. And when the time comes, he'll be the brave one again. I'm just there to hold his hand.

Hugs,
-J

Sick kids, tired mommy

Anyone with kids knows the dread of that first sniffle. No, please don't be sick, please! Hoping against hope, that maybe it's just allergies. With the first kid, it's definite anxiety. When you add a second (or third or sixth), it becomes level 5 panic. Maybe if you keep them apart, disinfect everything, wash hands every five seconds, it won't spread. Yeah, good luck with that, because inevitably, the older kid will sneeze right into the baby's face and then wipe the extra snot on you.

I hate colds, regardless of the severity. What bothers me even more is the parents that send their sick kids out unnecessarily to infect the rest of us. They say, "oh, but it's just a cold", or "little johnny just has allergies", what's the big deal?

Well, the big deal is that some of us have kids that have compromised immune systems. Maybe they were born early, or have a medical condition that makes common illnesses take a bigger toll on them. Little Bear spent 5 days in the hospital last March for RSV, brought home no doubt from Monkey's preschool.

But your kid is healthy and so you don't see it as a big deal. Take your kids to the playground, the mall, the library. Send them to school snotting everywhere. Who cares? Well, I'm that weird mom that leaves the playground when there's a kid hacking up a lung all over the slide. I keep my son home from preschool when he has so much as a sniffle, let alone a runny nose. 

Don't get me wrong, we definitely don't live in a bubble. My kids play in the dirt, we visit plenty of playgrounds, restaurants, hospitals, etc that are literally crawling with germs. I just get frustrated when it seems like things are all running smoothly and then I hear that first sneeze. Nooooooo! That, compounded with not getting any sleep for the past 3 nights have probably contributed to this whiny post. So, on that note, good health to all and goodnight!

Hugs (and sneezes),

-J

Fresh Air

Our weather is finally cooling down, I heard the weather person say that the 100+ days should be done for the year. My sanity thanks you. The kiddos and I can resume our daily trips to the park, and we can go any time of the day! Not just at 8AM before it 'heats up'. Backyard play has resumed as well, and I think the fresh air has been good for everyone.

One thing I've been dying to get, for the 8 years we've lived in this house, is a metal security door on the front of the house. For those who don't know, these are regular screen doors on steroids, and a common feature on Arizona houses. Somehow, the only window on the front of the house that opens, is in an upstairs bedroom. Downstairs, there aren't even any functioning windows on the side of the house. How does that happen? Security reasons?

That means that even with the back door and downstairs windows open, there is no crossbreeze. For a girl who moved here from a craftsman house in San Diego with no A/C and windows open all the time, this is a soul killer. I need my fresh air.

About a week and a half ago, my father-in-law was in town and graciously purchased (and offered to help install) the security door for us. Unfortunately, we found out when we brought it home that our doorstep would need to be built out, or we'd have a huge gap at the bottom. Hubby and father-in-law thought it would be a better use of time and money to let an installer do it.

A shady installer came out yesterday and tried to upsell me on a bunch of stuff he would do 'on the side', outside of the Lowe's contract. Our door frame wasn't plumb, etc, etc. Hubby decided just to go back to Lowe's and have them re-assess what the issue was. Thankfully, they sent out a new installer, ironically named Jesus. He did a fabulous job, and despite our door frame indeed being messed up, he was able to get it installed without rebuilding the entire front of our house.

So I now have my screen door, and my cross breezes, and my fresh air. Thank you, Jesus! You have saved us. I think God is winking about this one. ;)

View from inside

View from outside

 Hugs,
-J

Wagon Rides

Monkey's first wagon ride was Halloween 2009. He was a little over a year old, but still not sitting unassisted very well. Our neighbors had a wagon, and we put Monkey in with their little girl. He loved it so much, that Grandma got him a wagon of his own for Christmas. He was super excited and the wagon's gotten a lot of use when the weather permits.

I've looked forward to eventually pulling two kids in the wagon, but wasn't sure if/when that would happen. Thankfully, sweet little Bear came along last December, and I've been counting the days until he was big enough to sit up in it.

Today was the day! I asked Monkey if we should try to put brother in the wagon and go to the park. He lit up like a Christmas tree. Completely ecstatic.

Bear loved it, too. He did really well, and made it all the way to the park. Monkey was a great big brother and kept an eye on him to make sure he didn't fall over. He kept saying, "mommy, brother likes it."

I look forward to many more wagon rides to come.

Hugs,
-J

Cuddle Time

Monkey loves to cuddle.  Especially since Bear (little brother) was born and started cutting into his one on one time with mommy. Since he no longer naps, sometimes he'll ask to cuddle when he's tired and just curl up to rest. It's one of my absolute favorite things.

Lately, he's been wanting to cuddle when it's time for Bear's afternoon feeding/nap. So we'll throw a blanket on my legs, and Monkey will curl up on my legs while I'm nursing Bear. Apparently, I was running behind schedule today, because he informed me, "Mommy, I think brother needs to eat now. Can we cuddle?"

I love how little minds connect things like that. Instead of just saying, 'I'm tired'. So, we had a nice cuddle for a few minutes until Bear decided he wasn't sleepy and instead wanted to spit up on our blanket. Monkey reassured me and said, "It's ok, mommy. We can clean it." Something about these moments that I just love.

Take every opportunity to cuddle your little ones while you can. I have a feeling that before too long, they'll be 'too big' to cuddle.

Hugs,
-J

Perspective

My eyes are practically bleeding, I'm so exhausted. However, I wanted to leave this one thought for the day.

Today, we went to the zoo (grandpa is still in town). Rode the merry-go-round, safari train, saw a baby zebra, pet the goats, played on the splash pad, watched a family of tree monkeys acting ridiculous, and overall had a fantastic time.

At dinner, we asked Monkey what his favorite thing was today.  His response? "Tickling little brother." Which happened this morning, while I was in the other room, getting ready for the zoo. Sometimes the best moments happen when you're getting ready for something else.

Priceless perspective from a four year old.

Hugs,
-J

Farewell, old friend

Today we said goodbye to an old friend. Our Jeep. We bought it 11 years ago, to this month. It was used, our first car purchase as a 'couple'. It has taken us from California, up the Oregon coast, and finally to Phoenix.

For the past 6 years or so, it has primarily been Hubby's car. He worked from home for many years, and now his office is only a mile away, so it hasn't gotten much use for a long time. Honestly, I think the only time I've even driven it in the past year was to go pick up a used picnic table I found on craigslist. Other than that, it's been great for hauling home our Christmas tree, and trips to the hardware store (or Ikea).

It had become the bane of Hubby's existence. It was black, and the A/C went out every summer, despite being 'fixed' 4 or 5 times. The power door locks have long been broken, there's a dent on the front passenger door that makes it 'pop' every time you open it (thanks hit and run driver), the front bumper literally just fell off (no joke), the windshield is scratched to the point of being dangerous, the transmission continually has problems, and that check engine light loves coming on. He seriously HATES the Jeep.

Me, on the other hand, I have mostly fond memories, and so it was tough for me to see it go. It was my primary car when we lived in San Diego, and I commuted 60+ miles every day in it. Ironically, I don't think I ever used the A/C. Windows down for me, please. Every weekend, I used it to take my salty dog to the beach. She destroyed the cargo area of that thing. There is probably still sand in the cracks and crevices. I also remember driving solo to Phoenix, on my first 'house hunting' trip, while Hubby stayed home to work. Blasting Beastie Boys on the CD player (that was hooked up to the stereo via cassette!).  Yes, our last cassette player. Now what to do with all my old tapes? There were camping trips, road trips, oh the fun we had!

Sadly, the kiddos never got to experience the Jeep. It was a 98, so pre-latch, and I never felt comfortable putting their car seats in there. I have a feeling Monkey is going to be asking about why it's not in the driveway anymore. He always wanted to ride in daddy's car.

On a positive note, we are now a one car (hybrid) family. As Hubby's office is so close, he's going to bike it to work every day. Not sure how long we'll last as a one car family, but I like the thought of it. Other one car families have told me it brought them closer.

It will be weird for me for a while though, not seeing it parked in front of the house. Bye, my sweet Jeep. I'll always cherish our sweet San Diego memories.

Hugs,
-J

Limes and Leaves

What a glorious day today.  The weather was beyond perfect and Monkey spent the better part of the afternoon exploring our backyard, while I slaved away in the kitchen making Moroccan Meatballs and Spaghetti Squash (recipes to come).  Fortunately, the kitchen faces the backyard and I had the door open, so I could monitor Monkey.  Even with a secure fence around the pool, I still get nervous.

First, he transported nearly every 'toy' to the backyard.  Wheel barrow, baseball tee, jump rope, buckets, shovels, balls.  Then he proceeded to play with every non-toy in the yard.  He delighted in picking limes off the tree, and seeing how far he could throw them.  He also carefully scooped rocks up and put them in an empty trash bin (they were later returned to the yard).

Best of all, he marched into the house, and while I wasn't paying attention dumped a huge pile of 'helicopters' all over the floor.  "Look, mommy!  Leaves!!"  Yes, that's about as close to leaves as we get this time of year.  As slightly annoyed as I was at the thought of stopping what I was doing to clean up his leaves, I was able to appreciate the joy on his face at sharing his discovery.

So, I left them on the floor so daddy could see.  Something worth sharing.

Next time he started to come in with another pile, I gently said, "oh, why don't we leave those outside?  We have plenty in here to show daddy when he gets home."  Worked like a charm with no hurt feelings at all.  I cringe a little when I think of other kids/parents in the same situation where a harsh, "No!", or scolding for dirtying the house would crush that excited spirit.

Lessons reinforced today-

1. Nature's toys always win over plastic ones
2. A creative and happy child is worth more than an immaculate house
3. Gentle redirection can work wonders
4. Share the little moments that make you smile

Hugs,
-J

Welcome Autumn

Living in Phoenix, we tend to get our autumn weather a bit later and slightly differently than the rest of the country. October 1st, we were still kissing 100 degrees, but the summer has finally broken.

We had a cool rain this evening, and the high is only supposed to reach 77 tomorrow. 77! I know that doesn't spell fall for most of you, but let me assure you, after five months in the 100s, anything under 90 is jean weather.

Speaking of, I wore my jeans today. Granted, it was still with flip flops and a t-shirt, but that's how I like it. Even Monkey wore jeans to school today. He is so unaccustomed to long pants he proclaimed, "I can't climb with these jeans on! I'm sliding everywhere!" Yes, bare knees definitely grip plastic play structures much better.

He might not be a fan, but I am thankful. I don't mind shorts, but I LOVE my jeans. I wear them until they are literally frayed and falling apart. I even still have one hold out pair from high school that I 'borrowed' from my bestie.

Even better than the jeans, the cooler weather means a return to our outdoor activities. I was starting to get a little stir crazy. There's only so much 'indoor play area' a half hippie can handle.

At sunset tonight we enjoyed a family stroll to the mailbox (my favorite thing today). We took our time, admiring all the Halloween decorations put up by our neighbors. Monkey especially loves the scarecrows. We have our own witch scarecrow on our doorstep. He was anxious to go knock on our neighbor's doors, trying to convince me that Halloween could be early this year.

On our way back home, we appreciated another gorgeous desert sunset (thanks storm clouds), and Monkey pulled a newly acquired stick along the sidewalk behind him. First he suggested we could use it for marshmallows, then wanted to bring it inside to show wow-wow. A little heartbroken, he was persuaded to leave it outside. It was a huge stick.

Ahhhhh, welcome fall.

Hugs,
-J

The Beginning

Here I am, again.  I've tried this blogging thing before.  I blogged when my first son was born, 13 weeks early, and spent 112 days in the NICU.  It was an outlet.  Blogging about it helped keep me sane and it helped keep family up to date.  I continued blogging after my son came home from the hospital, but soon found that I was having a hard time keeping up with him and my blog.  I let it slide for too long, then started relying heavily on Facebook as a means of keeping people updated.

Ten months ago, along came son number two.  I've been struggling to keep my head above water, and I find myself in need of a new sanity saver.  A good friend, the only one aside from hubby who knows my deep dark secrets, recently started an inspirational blog, and inspired me to get my own thoughts out.  Better out than in, as Shrek would say, right?

So what's this blog about?  Only time will tell.  I hope this to be part journal, part information aggregator.  I'll try to post recipes, crafts, good deals, green tips, parenting advice (I'm learning as I go), and just daily thoughts.

I've jokingly called myself a 'half hippie', meaning that I'm a tree hugger when I can be, but have my faults.  I drive a hybrid, don't wear make-up, recycle, buy used as much as possible, eat healthy, and frequent our local farmer's market.  Despite my black thumb, I've also successfully grown a variety of fruits and vegetables in our 'garden'.  However, I also have a weakness for Costco, Amazon, and a wicked sweet tooth.

I look forward to blogging and can't wait to get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper!  Or, this blog, but you know what I mean.

Hugs,
-J