I'm not the brave one

Friday was a pretty crappy day. Monkey had to undergo anesthesia to get a CT scan done, for an upcoming surgery. Anesthesia is never fun for a kid or a parent, and the anxiety is always high. The worst part of all, is that as they get older, they know what's coming. They do not want anything to do with the 'room' or the mask they put on you to knock you out. It's hard enough for a parent to have to deal with their kid being sick, or needing medical procedures, but when you add in seeing the sheer terror on your sweet little guy's face, it's unbearable.

I was a little surprised that the doctor and the nurse were impressed that I wanted to be involved. When the nurse told the doctor I'd be coming into the room with them to help see Monkey off to sleep, he had a look on his face. He explained to me that most parents don't like to 'see that', and I should be prepared in case they need to restrain him to get the mask on. I kindly explained to him that after everything we've been through (112 days in the NICU, over 10 surgeries, countless 'procedures', etc), sadly, this was nothing new. And I would prefer it if I could help get the mask on Monkey, because restraining an anxious 4 year old, is only going to terrify him more and make future procedures more difficult. They never seem to care much about the down the road stuff though, do they? They only want to get their thing done.

We walked together to the room, much better than riding on a bed, and I tried to distract Monkey by asking him to count all the fish on the CT machine. Once everyone was ready, I picked him up and we sat together on the bed. I held the mask and sung him a song. He clearly was still a little freaked out, but at least I was able to comfort him more than some stranger pinning him down. He was out pretty quick and the medical team was all astonished at how 'brave' of a mom I was. I have to scoff a little bit, because in my mind, I'm not brave at all. I'm just doing the best I can to reassure my baby. He's the brave one.

If anything, I'm just emotionally checked out. As bad as that probably sounds, I just have to turn it off and not think about it. I can't fall apart in front of him. I'll wait until I'm out of sight to have my quick cry. Or maybe I'll bottle it all up and break down later over something completely unrelated. Definitely nothing brave about it.

So until our next adventure, a nasal endoscopy next week, that I'm absolutely dreading, I'll make sure everything is as normal as can be for my little Monkey. And when the time comes, he'll be the brave one again. I'm just there to hold his hand.

Hugs,
-J

Why traveling is good for the soul

Traveling is one of my favorite activities. Whether it's a simple day trip an hour north of town, a weekend road trip to the beach, or a two week european escape, I love to get out of town. Exploring new places or seeing old friends, it always invigorates me.

I've found that when there is a trip on the horizon, I always become a little more animated in everyday life. I really look forward to that journey, never knowing what excitement lies ahead. If, on the other hand, there is no travel in my near future, it makes me feel slightly anxious, and a little sad.

A few quotes have recently stood out to me and made me reflect on my 'travel anticipation addiction'. Of course, I didn't save the exact quotes, but to me it's the idea that is important, not the exact wording. I feel like these days, we are so inundated with quotes whether from Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest. I suppose if I'm going to write about them, I need to start bookmarking them. I digress.

The first quote talks about how if we spend too much time dreaming about the future (or dwelling on the past), we miss the gift of today (our present, get it?). I understand completely, and although I love planning my trips as much as I love taking them, I also appreciate each day I have with my family and all the little joys that I experience.

The second quote talks about how we shouldn't have to look forward to vacations because they are an escape from our everyday life, and if our everyday life is that boring, we should make it more interesting. Sometimes that's easier said than done, especially for a stay at home mom. We need to have something fun to look forward to. We often get stuck in the day to day rut of cooking, cleaning, settling toy disputes, cleaning up poop/pee/vomit.

For me personally, I have two kiddos with medical issues, so my calendar is overflowing with doctor appts, therapy sessions, and surgeries. The day to day of keeping up with all of it can become exhausting. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty of fun on that calendar, too, but it's nice to glance at it and see "vacation" in big letters. I NEED to see vacation in big letters. I love that for the most part, everywhere we travel to, there is a good friend or family member there to greet us. One of the good and bad things about being separated from people you care about.

Fortunately, hubby loves traveling as much as I do and we've always been a spontaneous couple when it comes to taking trips. Last minute road trip to Las Vegas for the millenium New Year? Check! And when I say last minute, I mean it. We decided to go on the 30th because there had been a ton of cancellations and hotel rooms were dirt cheap. He was flying home to LAX on the 31st, I picked him up at the airport and we drove straight there. It was awesome. Same with going to europe to celebrate Christmas in London and New Year's in Paris, as well as stops in Amsterdam and Belgium (this was clearly before kids). We decided to go about the first week of December because there were some ridiculous fare sales if you arrived on Christmas day and we had a friend's flat in London to stay in.

Even when Monkey came along, we tried to make travel a priority. It was hard the first year, as there were a lot of medical issues and equipment/surgeries kept us close to home. Right after his first birthday though, we started our travels again. I'm happy to say that Monkey has been to DC/Virginia three times, San Francisco/Monterey twice, Denver, Florida Keys, plus numerous road trips to Southern California, and throughout Arizona. He's got more frequent flier miles than a lot of adults. Even little Bear went on his first flight to DC at only 7 months old, and went to San Diego at 4 months.

The main reason I thought to write about this today, is that we just booked another trip. This one to Denver, Bear's first time there, Monkey's second. Ironically, as I'm pulling out and sorting through the winter clothes today, I realize that Bear is going to have almost exactly the same wardrobe for this trip as Monkey did when we took him. It's been almost three years since we've been there.

It's amazing what booking this trip did for my mood yesterday. Monkey had a medical procedure, nothing serious, but as always, stressful just the same. Read about it here*. It always deflates my mood when these things come up, and I tend to get in a funk. Hubby texts me around 5:30 to say he's heading home soon, but might have a new client in Denver, and is thinking about possibly traveling there in December. He wants to know what I think. This is like an instant shot of adreneline for me. Trip? Denver? Next month? Heck yes! So of course, before I even text him back, I check flights on my phone. I have all the travel apps for such an emergency. My favorite? The Southwest app and the ITA Travel app.

Within about 2 minutes I find a $66 roundtrip ticket on United. What? This must be some kind of glitch. The whole family could fly for under $200? You must be kidding me. So then I whip out the laptop and verify. Yup, it's true. Better yet, Southwest has almost the same fair, and no baggage fees! I call Hubby right away and by 6:00, after a phone call to our good friends in Denver, we have our tickets booked. I'm instantly on cloud 9. YES! After a crappy day, we now have a trip on the horizon. Best part, it's during the holidays! I love traveling during the Christmas season and seeing all the decorations and such.

The trip is a month away, but I'm already looking forward to it. Monkey's excited too. He keeps asking, "Are we going to Colorado today?" Can't wait.

Hope you are able to experience and enjoy all the fun and memories that traveling brings, with your family. And remember, some of the best experiences happen on the actual journey to your destination.

Hugs,
-J

*Of course, I wrote this post first, saved the draft, and then decided to write about his procedure before posting this.

Ahoy!

'Tis Halloween tomorrow. And we managed to whip together 3 pirate costumes with things from around the house! Only spent $6 on a couple of plain scarves that can be reused after the holiday. I even picked up a parrot costume for the baby on clearance for $7! Was going to make one, but couldn't pass on that deal.

Also turned the wagon into ye ol' pirate ship with an old box and some duct tape. Excited to post some pics and further instruction on how you can turn yourself into a pirate for cheap! Alas, 'tis bedtime for this matey. To be continued.

Argh,
-J

Sick kids, tired mommy

Anyone with kids knows the dread of that first sniffle. No, please don't be sick, please! Hoping against hope, that maybe it's just allergies. With the first kid, it's definite anxiety. When you add a second (or third or sixth), it becomes level 5 panic. Maybe if you keep them apart, disinfect everything, wash hands every five seconds, it won't spread. Yeah, good luck with that, because inevitably, the older kid will sneeze right into the baby's face and then wipe the extra snot on you.

I hate colds, regardless of the severity. What bothers me even more is the parents that send their sick kids out unnecessarily to infect the rest of us. They say, "oh, but it's just a cold", or "little johnny just has allergies", what's the big deal?

Well, the big deal is that some of us have kids that have compromised immune systems. Maybe they were born early, or have a medical condition that makes common illnesses take a bigger toll on them. Little Bear spent 5 days in the hospital last March for RSV, brought home no doubt from Monkey's preschool.

But your kid is healthy and so you don't see it as a big deal. Take your kids to the playground, the mall, the library. Send them to school snotting everywhere. Who cares? Well, I'm that weird mom that leaves the playground when there's a kid hacking up a lung all over the slide. I keep my son home from preschool when he has so much as a sniffle, let alone a runny nose. 

Don't get me wrong, we definitely don't live in a bubble. My kids play in the dirt, we visit plenty of playgrounds, restaurants, hospitals, etc that are literally crawling with germs. I just get frustrated when it seems like things are all running smoothly and then I hear that first sneeze. Nooooooo! That, compounded with not getting any sleep for the past 3 nights have probably contributed to this whiny post. So, on that note, good health to all and goodnight!

Hugs (and sneezes),

-J

Peaceful Parenting Miracles

My sister-in-law is what I would consider a full hippie mama. She is the real deal, and I look to her when I need some hippie tips. She runs a free school in Virginia that follows the unschooling model. She is always sharing tips and articles she finds on 'peaceful parenting'. Of course I read them, but never bookmark or save anything. So, while I get the general idea of it all, I will by no means try to portray myself any kind of expert.

Now that the disclaimer is out there, I can share my experience. :)

One of the general ideas is that we, as adults, need to control our tempers and our emotions as we are responding to 'behavior issues' in our children. If we can react to situations calmly and with empathy, our children will usually respond better than when we get wound up as well.

Example- After asking Monkey for the 5th time to please sit his butt in his car seat so that we can get to the appt that we're already running late for, I'm likely to get frustrated and react negatively. Whether it's barking, "GET IN YOUR SEAT, RIGHT NOW", or threatening some sort of punishment, "If you don't get in that seat, we're not going to the park later", I'm not helping the situation. Monkey doesn't magically listen. In fact, if I have taken the barking orders route, it usually just results in tears (for both of us). Fortunately, that doesn't happen very often.

Solution- What has amazingly worked, is just talking to him about why he doesn't want to do (or is currently doing) desired/undesired behavior. I say amazingly because I was 100% skeptical that a 3-4 year old would have the attention span and communication skills for a meaningful conversation when they are clearly upset.

In the example above, I take a deep breath and 9 times out of 10, we have a conversation like this-
Me- "Hey, what's going on? Can you talk to me for a sec?"
Him- "I don't want to go to X."
Me- "Why not?"
Him- "I was playing with my train." or "I'm hungry", "I have to go potty", "We were just in the car 15 min ago", etc
Me- "Well, I know it's fun playing with your train, and I'm sorry you had to stop. But we have an appt with X, and we need to leave now so we're not late. I promise when we get back you can play with your train."
Or- if he is especially hysterical about it, I may even suggest we bring the train, or whatever the item is.
Him- "Ok." *climbs into car seat nicely*

*Angels sing!* It's a miracle. I'm telling you though, it works, just try it.

Now, I know to a lot of parents, this may seem like spoiling or catering to their kid's every whim and creating a monster. But I'll tell you, I've seen the exact opposite. Instead of turning into a demanding brat, I've noticed Monkey's eyes sparkle when he sees that I'm genuinely concerned with what's bothering him. He becomes calmer, more willing to cooperate, and I am by no means bribing him. Although, I still think there's a time and a place for the bribe. ;)

In many situations, he just wants to express his frustration and is having trouble using his words. Think about us as adults. How many times are we frustrated with someone, like a boss, spouse or parent asking us to do something we didn't want to do. Do we always have a nice discussion with them about it? No. Many times we bottle it up, pretend like nothing is wrong, take it out on someone else later. Or maybe we send a nasty email, slam a door, you get the picture. We're not perfect at controlling our emotions, so why should a preschooler have it mastered? Now in the same scenario, what if the offender sensed your frustration, and talked to you about it? Doesn't that usually make you feel better? Like your feelings are validated? It's the same with our kids. They want to feel validated, appreciated, RESPECTED. Just like we do.

What reminded me of this today, and believe me, I use this strategy daily, is that today I was really tested. Monkey has a little bit of a cold, and he was in a FOUL mood today. I know you've all been there before. Everything was setting him off. He wanted yogurt, but not with that spoon! He was trying to stack kitchen items, but they kept falling (end of the world). We rented a video (that he picked out), but on the way home it's the wrong video. And on and on and on, all day.

Today, it took every ounce of control to keep reminding myself, he's sick, cut him some slack. Usually, I can anticipate and diffuse meltdowns, and there are only 1 or 2 minor occurrences a day. Today was full tilt. The above technique, worked to some degree, but when a kiddo is sick, all bets are off. I think what saved my sanity though, was truly understanding what he was going through. He just doesn't feel good. Simple as that.

I hope this story can help my fellow moms out there, who are struggling with their own negative reactions and looking for other alternatives.

Hugs,
-J

Struggles with Baby 'Food'

Little Bear is really starting to take off with his eating. For the most part, we practice 'baby-led weaning', which is essentially letting him eat whatever we're eating, but I am mixing in some purees as well. He loves just gnawing on a chunk of broccoli, and does get little bits off that he actually eats.

As a matter of fact, this kid loves to eat pretty much anything you put within his reach. His appetite is growing, and I'm starting to run into some problems.

Problem #1: Snacks
When we're out and about, which is a lot, I struggle with what to give him. Most parents give their tots 'puffs', the ridiculous snack that for some reason, includes sugar. I have searched high and low for an alternative to these, and found the Happy Baby and Plum Organic brand, but even those have cane syrup.

Why the sweetener? What is the deal with putting sugar in baby foods? I mean, really, is it necessary? Does a baby's brand new palate only accept sweet foods? NO.

Problem #2: Allergies
Aside from having difficulty finding appropriate snack items for baby, I also struggle with allergy issues. Hubby and I have no food allergies. None. My sister and his dad have severe allergies, food and otherwise. So there is a family pre-disposition, and boy was it ever passed on.

Unfortunately, Monkey is allergic to bananas, avocado, kiwi, mango, eggs and latex. We also are avoiding nuts until age 5 because of the family history. So far, it looks like little Bear is allergic to sweet potatoes, but I'm also avoiding all the other foods that Monkey is allergic to just in case. I also have a suspicion about apricots, but I'm hoping I'm wrong.

Now guess what are the easiest/most nutritious foods to start baby out on? Bananas, avocado, sweet potato.  Some of hubby and my favorites as well. Ugh.

Best part- the main flavors of the 'puffs'? Banana, sweet potato, and strawberry, (which is a high allergen and should be avoided until age 2 in allergy prone families).

Solutions?
Here's where I'm hoping for some help from all the moms out in the blogger/twitterverse. Fortunately, this kiddo gets plenty of breastmilk and is growing great, so I'm not overly concerned about nutrition yet. In the long run though, I need to figure out some alternatives to the generic/processed/sugary crap that's out there now.

Thanks in advance for any tips/tricks.

Hugs,
-J

The only thing to save me has always been music

Can you name the title quote?

Tonight's blog was meant to be a reflection on what music has meant in my life. Alas, the wee one decided to wake up and now I'm too tired.

So I will revisit this another time, but leave you with another goodie. One of my favorites of all time.

"If you hold on tight to what you think is your thing, you may find you're missing all the rest." -Dave Matthews Band

BTW- title quote is Beasties if you're still trying to place it.

Hugs,
-J